My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Randomize
