Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize