Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
