and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
