I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
