Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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