this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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