i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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