and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
