I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
