My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize