my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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