It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
