9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Well I just put wine in my tea
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
