I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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