I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
this just has baby written all over it
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
