i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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