Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Randomize
