2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
