I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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