i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
