I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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