my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
