Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
