Don't you send me to vm
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
