Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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