I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
