I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
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