Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
