worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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