We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
