I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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