The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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