i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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