WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
