if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
