this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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