Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
