after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
