Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
