Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
