i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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