these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
