My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
