just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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