Heybabeimwearingurpanties
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
