we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
