i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
