You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
