I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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