what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
