how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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