Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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