i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Acid is not a monday night drug
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
