Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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