Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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