Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
