Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
