i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Randomize
