I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
