the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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