Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
