i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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