Taylor Swift is so right about you.
id be glad to
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
