I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
