you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
What happened to fro yo and sex?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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