blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
